The Continuum -

Conflict <<<... Competition ...>>> Cooperation

Cooperation is at one end of a continuum which represents an array of human responses to other human beings. Conflict, at the opposite end, emerges from fear or greed. It pits one person against another and is characterized by the pursuit of destroying the other guy. Damage is inflicted and received. Progress is questionable and always costly. Wars are the extreme examples, but conflict also shows its ugly face at work and sometimes in our homes.

At the preferable end of the continuum lies cooperation. This is where progress is virtually certain and the costs are minimized. If you and I can agree on where we want to go and each of us can be flexible about how to get there, it should be both a successful and enjoyable trip. Why should anyone not want to cooperate? Well, the agreeing and the being flexible have something to do with it, and there are other factors that come into play. I will have a lot more to say about these issues in later posts, but let me introduce perhaps the most important factor, competition.

Our societies and cultures worship competition. "Thou shall compete!", has been added to the Ten Commandments. We are pressured with the need to compete at work. Our kids learn to compete in school for grades and on the playground for status. Some of us even have lawns that compete with the neighbor's lawns for richness and fullness and lack of crabgrass. And don't forget the cars, and the outfits, and the hair cuts, and the houses, and the schools we send our kids to, and the clubs we belong to, and all the other things I haven't mentioned. We compete out of pride, but mostly because we are told to. Our bosses preach competition. There are one million and one ads that are trying to sell something to help us beat the other guy, and they encourage us to be competitive so we will buy their products.

Competition is part cooperation and part conflict. The need, the drive, to win is the conflict part. The rules are the cooperation part. Competition is conflict with rules. As the need to win is emphasized, the rules don't seem as important, and as they are stretched or broken the activity becomes more and more like conflict. The results become questionable and costly.

There are some legitimate applications of competition. The one that makes it so prevalent in our society is in the marketplace of free enterprise. In this context competition tends to lower prices and raise quality. Another legitimate application of competition is in sport. Athletes improve their skills and spectators are provided with greater interest because of the competition.

There are other areas, however, where competition is often a destructive force. The enterprise, whether public or private, profit or non-profit, needs to be focused on the effective and efficient accomplishment of its mission. Internal competition detracts from this purpose, and inhibits the enterprise from being externally competitive, where it needs to be. But, by far, the most destructive place for competition to be taken seriously is within the family. The purpose of family has to do with love and support, not competition. And even though growth and development can be stimulated by competition, it should not be allowed to inhibit the love and support. There is competition enough outside the family.

There are many levels of competition, and some is good just for the fun it can provide. But we are far too serious about being competitive today and that can take the fun out of much of our lives. Is it really so important to have a better looking lawn? Is getting into the right school really worth sacrificing the joys of childhood? Keep in mind that there is no reason that you and your neighbor can't both have beautiful lawns by cooperating with each other. And most psychologists will agree that a normal childhood is a very important factor in success as an adult.

My message is that we need to cooperate more, compete less, and avoid conflict altogether wherever possible.